By: debbie lynn elias
“Alien” – “Predator”. Two of the most popular other worldly bad guys to hit the big screen. Somehow you had to know it was only a matter of time before the two would end up face to face in a fight to the finish, much like last year’s gripping battle between Freddy Kreuger and Jason Voorhees, yet sadly, their ultimate meeting fails to generate the excitement, horror and fright each creates independently. (Too bad, too. I thought if there was ever a pairing out there to rival a match up between my brother Ed and myself, this would be it. It’s not.)
Written and directed by Paul W.S. Anderson, “Alien Vs. Predator” is actually more of a prequel (and cop-out) to the previous movies that originally introduced these creatures to us. Coming across as more of a “take the money and run” flick geared to built in core audiences, this is a soft core, almost “G” rated version of two highly successful violently horrific, tension building, scare the seat of your pants off, alien franchises.
The premise is simple. A sudden rise in temperature below the surface of Antarctica (Hmm, sounds a bit like “The X-Files Movie”…), prompts interest and panic in the scientific and environmental communities, and never moreso than the money of industrialist Charles Bishop Weyland is dangled among every explorer and researcher out there. With money no object, Weyland puts together a team of scientists, including environmentalist and mountain climber Alexa Woods, to explore and investigate the situation. Believing the climatic and thermographic changes to be strictly due to global warming, underground volcanoes, or some other natural (or man made) phenomena, imagine everyone’s surprise when an ancient pyramid is discovered deep below the surface of the Earth. Adding even more intrigue, the pyramid moves like a Rubik Cube, ever changing and seemingly impossible to reconnect the pieces. And as if that isn’t enough, the team soon find themselves smack dab in the middle of a war between – you guessed it – Predators and Aliens. Seems that Predators once dominated the Antarctic, using it as a breeding and training ground for young baby Predators. And the Aliens with their pod like reproduction system were used to help the Predators multiply and train. But, now it looks like those Aliens are tired of playing second fiddle and want to be running the show.
Okay, so the premise has potential – especially given the information divulged at the end of “Predator II” when Danny Glover earned the respect of the Predators. At that point it looked like they had been around on Earth at least a few hundred years. With “Alien Vs. Predator”, we get a bit more information that lets us know it’s actually been more like a few thousand years, which in and of itself, lays open countless plot possibilities. Unfortunately, the plot falls apart and doesn’t fulfill the story potential, resulting in a disingenuous, watered down creatures and schlocky horror shticks. The only thing horrific is that it’s more laughable than frightful.
Even more horrific is the waste of some incredible technical talent and none more obvious than with editor Alexander Berner. Known for elevating the tension level in any film just by his precision work, here he cuts and chops with the ferocity of Lizzie Borden’s axe, making storylines and battle sequences completely incomprehensible with no beginning, middle, end or continuity. Sure, there are some props that will be recognizable to fans of the two franchises, but that is hardly enough to prop up the deficiencies in this film.
Only one glimmer of hope here comes with the casting and that’s in the form of Lance Henriksen who was Bishop in “Alien.” Here, Henriksen appears as the original in the Bishop line (as in industrialist Charles Bishop Weyland) and is a welcome sight. Raoul Bova, who added so much excellence to “Under the Tuscan Sun”, does the opposite here, only adding to the confusion of the entire film with his French accent. Sanna Lathan steps in as Alexa Woods, a character similar to “Aliens” Ripley and while Lathan does a fair job as the talented explorer and climber, she lacks the fortitude and intensity we all came to expect with Ripley.
Poorly scripted, poorly directed, poorly cut, poorly cast. The key to “Alien Vs. Predator” – survival of the fittest. Somehow I don’t think it will be the moviegoer. The only battle to survive here is the one to stay in your seat until the film’s end.
Lance Henriksen: Charles Bishop Weyland Raoul Bova: Sebastian de Rosa Sanna Lathan: Alexa Woods
Written and directed by Paul W.S. Anderson. Rated PG-13. (105 min)
