By: debbie lynn elias
If you’re looking for a continuation of the story of Michelle’s Pfeiffer’s Selena Kyle aka Catwoman or even that of the most infamous Catwoman to hit the big and small screen, Julie Newmar (or Eartha Kitt for that matter), you’ve come to the wrong place. If you’re looking for a live action version true to the Bob Kane comicbook classic, you’ve come to the wrong place. I know I did. But if what you are looking for is a half-naked Halle Berry, poor storyline and big screen disappointment that fails to fulfill the media hype leading up to the film’s release, well then this is the film for you.
This go round, we no longer have the shy, timid Selena who suddenly develops a voracious appetite for milk after having plummeted to her death only to be resurrected by a cat. (I guess this means that with my five cats no one will be getting rid of me too quickly!). No, we now have graphic artist Patience Phillips, and while shy and timid, all similarities to any prior interpretations of the character end there. Employed by mega-beauty conglomerate Hedare Beauty, the company and its employees are all aflutter pending the launch of a revolutionary new anti-aging product called “Beau Line.” As luck would have it for poor Patience, though, she stumbles on to a dark secret behind the product. Seems the product does what it says – it is anti-aging. But there is one little flaw – it makes your skin melt off. (Hey, that’s one way to get rid of those fine lines and wrinkles!) Needless to say, the corporate bigwigs find out that Patience has discovered their little secret and take matters into their own hands, eliminating Patience by dumping her the river. But as movie magic would have it, Patience somehow lands on a piece of concrete floating in the river and is, of course, surrounded by cats, cats and more cats.
Once looking deader than a doornail, Patience is suddenly alive, and trying to figure out what happened (not to mention why she is suddenly sleeping on the ceiling rafters, gulping milk, eating tuna, etc.), she seeks out the advice of a crazy old cat lady who confirms what the audience (and any comic book fan) already knows; Patience died and was resurrected by the cats, in particular one named Midnight who had a particular affectation for Patience even before her untimely demise. Without question, Patience accepts the explanation as gospel truth. And we go downhill from here.
Incognito as Catwoman, using her new stealthy super powers of strength, speed and prowess akin to a cat, she sets out to discover her killers and expose the Beau Line for its hidden dangers, all the while becoming romantically involved with a certain police detective named Tom Loan who is more intrigued with investigating crimes involving a mysterious feline than he is with Patience. On the upside though, it seems that our little Patience may have gotten a bit of a mischievous streak injected in her by the cats and as Catwoman she walks that fine line between jewel thief and super hero which is about the only thing that adds some interest to a hackneyed script. (Based on some of her antics, I wouldn’t be surprised if my cats aren’t the ones responsible for that!)
Written by the team of John Brancato, Michael Ferris and John Rogers based on a story by Theresa Rebeck, Brancato and Ferris, this is a prime example of too many cooks in the kitchen. The script is beyond cartoonish to the point of being buffoonish. Taking off in a myriad of directions, one can almost segregate which portions of the script were written by each individual and then slapped together with soggy wet cat food with no sense of continuity or adhesion. What makes it worse, is the intensity and seriousness that Berry plays Patience/Catwoman. Like one would readily accept resurrection by a cat without batting an eye or chasing a mouse. Puh-lease!
Berry, who is a talented actress, sadly resorts to T&A exposure here rather than honing her acting chops or exhibiting anything that resembles the talent we saw in “Monsters Ball” or “The Dorothy Dandridge Story.” And the chemistry between Berry and Benjamin Bratt fails miserably. Bratt, who steps in as Detective Tom Loan, is enjoyable enough to watch (as is Berry), but again, the character is unbelievable and the “police work” disingenuine, especially considering most of the audience is familiar with Bratt’s work as a law enforcement officer in both “Law & Order” and “Miss Congeniality.” He lacks the earnest approach here that he has exhibited in other roles, which given the script is appropriate, but which falls short and seems improbable when pitted against the seriousness of Berry. And let’s not forget Sharon Stone as Laurel Hedare, wife of cosmetics magnate George Hedare. In case she has forgotten, someone needs to tell Stone she is not the same sultry vixen from “Basic Instinct.” Were it not for what appears to be extremely good lighting, one would think she was in need of the Beau Line anti-aging cream. The lighting differentials for Stone are so great that you find yourself forcibly looking for the wrinkles that are being filtered away. A big casting highlight however is Frances Conroy as the crazy cat lady Ophelia. A delicious turn for a delightful lady!
Director Pitof whose background is primarily in visual effects, is heavy handed with tracking shots and use of the narrative while completely missing the mark on the film as a whole. The work of editor Sylvie Landra, a long time associate of Pitof, only adds to the film’s confusion and disjointedness. On the other hand, but for possible one set, the quality work of production designer Bill Brzeski is wasted on this film.
And I would be remiss to not give kudos to the stuntmen and women on this film. Given the high volume action sequences, their work here is unparalleled. Ignore the story, just watch the stunts!
“Catwoman” – makes me want to go me-ooooooooowwwwwwwwww. It can’t slink from theatres fast enough for me.
Halle Berry: Patience Phillips/Catwoman Benjamin Bratt: Tom Lone Sharon Stone: Laurel Hedare Frances Conroy: Ophelia
Directed by Pitof. Written by John Brancato, Michael Ferris and John Rogers based on a story by Theresa Rebeck, Brancato and Ferris. Based on characters by Bob Kane. A Warner Bros. Picture. Rated PG-13.
