By: debbie lynn elias
Tommy Lee Jones playing babysitter to college cheerleaders? How desperate is Hollywood? Or, to paraphrase Chris Rock, how desperate is Tommy Lee for a paycheck? Now don’t get me wrong. Tommy Lee Jones stands as one of my top ten all time favorite actors. Be it “Coal Miner’s Daughter” or “Double Jeopardy” or “Men in Black” or even “Volcano” (yes, “Volcano”), his performance is always outstanding; he envelops the character and even in the most serious of rolls, his droll deadpan comedic timing always shines through, giving the audience and the film’s producer’s (of which Jones is one) more than their money’s worth. Unfortunately, in “Man of the House” not only is there is no Will Smith or Ashley Judd or Sissy Spacek to play off Jones’ talents, but a script that fails miserably with no real beginning, middle or end, and as a result, Jones is wasted in a very unoriginal, blasé and more than unfunny film. The fact that Columbia had no critics’ screenings should have been a big indicator of the “finished” product. It was.
Texas Deputy Roland Sharp is investigating the murder of key prosecution witness Morgan Ball in the trial of a prominent drug lord. His first problem is that he has no clue as to the killer’s identity. His second problem is that five University of Texas Longhorns cheerleaders witnessed the murder although they have no clue exactly what they witnessed. His third problem is that he must protect the cheerleaders from potential danger which leads to his biggest problem – he has to move into the sorority house with the girls and pose as their cheerleading coach while not only trying to protect them, but solve the murder, catch the bad guys and weed out a bad cop involved in the investigation. Oh, and let’s not forget Sharp’s own personal misadventures and lack of communication with his own daughter Emma who herself becomes entangled in the murder mystery, as well as his romantic interest in a literature professor whom he has no idea how to court. This of course opens the door to little vignettes of life which have the girls giving Sharp dating tips and Sharp nixing most of the girls’ dates.
With a spoofing nod to his “Fugitive” roles and with his customary deadpan curmudgeoniness, Jones is ideal as Roland Sharp. With his patented delivery and sexy swagger, Jones is the best part of the film. But, although Sharp is believable, he falls short on the likeability quotient due to the lack of a sparring partner for verbal barbs. This is how Jones works best. Unfortunately, the rest of the cast falls so far short of Jones that it brings an even greater emptiness to the film than is already there due to the poor scripting and directing. Kelli Garner, Vanessa Ferlito, Monica Keena, Christina Milian and Paula Garces step in as cheerleaders, Barb, Heather, Evie, Anne and Theresa and although there are glimmers of synapses sparking, as a whole, they epitomize every bimbette cheerleader joke ever written. Given that Garner is fresh off “The Aviator” and working with Martin Scorsese, I assure you that she is far from bimbette, but again, the poor scripting doesn’t do justice to even these girls talents. Anne Archer makes a welcome, but minimal appearance as Professor Molly McCarthy, and again seems to be floundering due to a lacking script. A big plus though is Curtis Armstrong as Morgan Ball. Be it as Booger in “Revenge of the Nerds”, Herbert Viola on “Moonlighting” or Morgan Ball in “Man of the House”, Curtis is a guaranteed joy to watch.
Written by Robert Ramsey, Matthew Stone and John J. McLaughlin, one can only believe that this script is an example of too many fingers on the typewriter. Ramsey and Stone have previously more than proved their mettle with the hilarious “Intolerable Cruelty” which makes “Man of the House” even more unforgivable, having written for another deadpan comedic master, George Clooney. But perhaps what they need and what is missing here, is the acerbic, acrid, tongue biting witticisms and repartee to serve as an adhesive to the story. Without out, we have the boys trying to create a perceived obligatory touchy-feely storyline between Sharp and the girls and then randomly tossing in what they believe are humorous events in such a relationship. Come on, how many times have we all seen the dad/brother/boyfriend buying tampons shtick? Or the pat down the delivery boys? Or quiz the dates on the who, what, why, when, how? Or try out female beauty rituals? The whole thing looks like cut and paste sketches from about 7 different movies. Perhaps ten of the most egregiously offensive and quizzical moments of the film come compliments of Cedric the Entertainer playing a preacher who gets into a “cheer off/dance off” with the girls. Huh? Did I nod off and miss something? And let’s not forget the requisite bang, bang, shoot ‘em up sequences tossed in as a tie in to the murder which gave rise to the whole situation.
Ultimately, the fault of this film falls on the shoulders of director Stephen Herek and again, all I can guess is, “What was he thinking.” A big fan of Herek since “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure” through “The Three Musketeers”, “The Mighty Ducks” and “Rock Star” I was amazed to find him at the helm of “Man of the House.” The man knows comedy. He knows drama. He knows the teen audience, the kid audience and the family audience. His prior films all have a continuity, cohesiveness and flow that draw the viewer into the film and the characters. None of that is present here which results in a floundering wasteland of celluloid. Starting out as an action adventure film, there’s a sudden switch to teen comedy and then a mish-mosh mix of the two concepts.
Although it has its moments (albeit few), “Man of the House” is primarily a waste of time and a waste of talent (on all fronts). I like Jones. I like the premise. But, “Man of the House” is not something I even want in my house on DVD.
Roland Sharp: Tommy Lee Jones Anne Archer: Molly McCarthy Morgan Ball: Curtis Armstrong
Directed by Stephen Herek. Written by Robert Ramsey, Matthew Stone and John J. McLaughlin based on a story by John J. McLaughlin and Scott Lodbell. A Columbia Pictures release. Rated PG-13. (97 min)
