By: debbie lynn elias
I local bar sipping a few beers while observing individuals with IQ’s lower than room temperature). “Stealing Harvard” only solidifies my beliefs. have never liked Tom Green and I have never been a big fan of “Kids In The Hall” (but for when sitting in my favorite
Directed by “Kids” alum Bruce McCulloch and starring Tom Green and Jason Lee, “Stealing Harvard” is the tale of John Plummer, an up and coming young executive who once promised to help pay for his niece Noreen’s college tuition. And wouldn’t you know it, the girl gets accepted to Harvard which, as we all know, is not exactly the least expensive institution of higher learning in this country. But what the heck, Uncle John is going to come up with the $30,000.00 she needs, so let’s go for it. And naturally, Noreen has a videotape of Uncle John promising his financial assistance. Unfortunately, John is head-over-heels in love with and engaged to his boss’s daughter, who won’t agree to a wedding date until John has put away the meager sum of – you guessed it – $30,000.00. Oh, what to do, what to do.
Looking to his best friend Duff for guidance, the boys decide the only way to raise the money necessary to accomplish both goals is to turn to a life of crime. From a home invasion robbery that goes awry thanks to the owner being home, to a failed liquor store hold-up, to a failed bank robbery, these two at least get an “A” for effort as they plod through this painstakingly miserable film, hopefully trying to get to its end. As part and parcel to their endeavors, there are attempts at humor which for the most part fail just as miserably as the film itself. While performing their home invasion, John is forced to dress in drag and pretend to be the owner’s late wife. Not funny. In another robbery, they argue over ski masks and secret identities. Not funny – although the ski masks may come in handy to protect their true identities from the public after this film.
I find it hard to believe that Peter Tolan, a gifted writer known for such films as “America’s Sweethearts”, “My Fellow Americans”, “Analyze This” and the upcoming “Analyze That”, could be responsible for “Stealing Harvard.” Dialogue is forced and often misplaced. The main storyline is implausible and unfunny, while character development and sub-plots run amok and to such extreme that you find yourself wondering which part of this production is worse – the characters, the storyline, the poorly conceived and unfunny jokes, or just the whole thing.
Jason Lee, who is generally at the very least, appealing, comes across here as just a plain bad actor with his portrayal of John Plummer. Hopefully, he will be remembered more for his work in films like “Vanilla Sky”, “Heartbreakers” and “Almost Famous” and rise above his disastrous performance here. And Dennis Farina, a man who can play any part and play it well, falls victim to Tolan’s poor script and abysmal dialogue, making him look equally as bad as Lee. Even one of my favorite comediennes, Megan Mullally, can’t get an honest laugh here. But fear not, for it is Tom Green who does not disappoint. He is just as obnoxious, irritating, untalented and unfunny as ever with his portrayal of Duff.
Relying on tired sight gags and a continual theme of men wearing women’s clothing, “Stealing Harvard” is a crime in and of itself. Ill-conceived, poorly acted, directorially unfocused – – – the big crime here is that the producers have the audacity to even charge admission.
